Saturday, October 12, 2013

"Making Bigfoot Videos For YouTube Instructions"

By George Washinton President

(ALERT!!!! This article has been double checked by a 5 year old for typo's)

Alright! You say you want to get a video of Bigfoot and put it on YouTube and get alot of viwes. Maybe it will go viral if your lucky. Hey! those 1 cent payment from YouTube for every 10,000 views ads up in 30 to 50 years. You could make $6.73

So, to start earning that extra money for when you turn 90. Here's some tips of how to take the worse video you possibly can to keep to the strandards set by YouTube.

1. Scan the forest for the worse possible location you can. Look for high grass up to your neck. That's a good start. Now, you also want to make sure there are plenty of trees very close together. The closer the better. Make sure you can't even get a toothpick between them.

 2. You'll want to go just before sunset. The fading sunlight is always good to make your image very dark that someone will need a seeing eye dog after squinting long enough at the computer screen.

 3. Another bonus is if these YouTube viewers are watching on small screen cell phones. The smaller the monitor or screen, the better for you. Be sure to set you brightness control to the darkest possible

 4. Don't bother with HD. Why the hell would you want the video to be clear? Never use a new video camera. Get that old 1980's camcorder you have in the basement, garage or closet. Use that one

5. You have to make sure nobody can tell if it's a bear or a Bigfoot. That is very important. For tips on  how you do that, check out any Bigfoot video that claims to show a Bigfoot/Sasquatch on YouTube.

6. Now your off and running or in this case video taping. With any luck you'll have to sneeze. That's great to shake the camera so it looks like it was thrown down a laundry shoot. You'll also want to walk to give the camera that YouTube shaking-bouncing look. If your in good shape, run when you are taking the video. remember shake, skae, skake than man camera as hard as possible.

 7. Be sure when your "object" is positioned right in front of the camera, you turn the camera in the opposite direction. In other words, if your video subject is about to turn and look directly into the camera, you will want to turn it in another direction quickly. You can't be on YouTube and have any chance of any poor soul having a shot at actually seeing it in clear view.

8. If you live in Pennsylvania that's even better. As seen in the news this past week. Trees loved to be filmed that look likes Bigfoot. Some researchers even went on YouTube to state that they thought it was a Bigfoot 100%. They described the huge shoulders, wide body, and power build. Trees make awesome Bigfoot's.

9. You want to really get those views up. Claim your video was taken BY a Bigfoot showing humans. They say Bigfoots are highly intelligent, so why can't Bigfoot go back home and tell his family that he has the video of these funny looking "beings" he's seen in the woods, banging on trees, yelling like wolves and acting like your basic jackasses.

10. Upload your video to 144p quality. The the worse quality there is . If your lucky, the video will take a week to load once someone clicks on YouTube to watch it

 11. Pick an attention getting title for YouTube video like "Bigfoot Seen Driving a Truck" or "Bigfoot Runs in Front of  Police Car Dashboard Cam Holding the Olympic Torch "

12. Make your Bigfoot talk in the video. Have him call you by name just like the guy in Canada with those fake video's. You know the guy. He's the one who has the guts to claim the Bigfoot is calling him by his name, "MIKE, MIKE" Make sure talking Bigfoot sound very intelligent by asking him who he thinks should run for President in the next election. Have him say "HILLARY, HILLARY".
Remember to sign up for those monetization options on YouTube and away you go to fame and fortune in the highly stable Bigfoot Community. Now, THAT's entertainment.
Wait, wait , wait. I just had an idea. If you want to make a quick, easy video for YouTube you could head down to your local costume store and buy a Chewbacca costume and make a video of a friend of yours sleeping on the woods.
Remember to tell him breath when he's in that Chewbacca costume to breath every 6 seconds. That makes it look more "authentic".
Naw!! on second thought nobody in their right mind would believe that.