Friday, September 13, 2013

"Friday the 13th Means Bigfoot Scary Movie Time"

By Frank Cali Vice President Team Tracker


I'm sure you all love scary movies. Especially when they feature Bigfoot in them. Now there's a good time had by all. The more scary stuff the better. True, most of these horror flicks never live up to the hype from the movie company's. The movie trailers are edited to a slick what they call 'fast cuts' to try and show you all the action of the movie in a conventional 30 or 60 seconds on the screen or TV commercial. But, how many people really pay much attention? A TV commercial is when you run to the fridge or bathroom or turn the channel.

When the beast is shown ripping apart someone, some people seem to love it. The family values of a "Harry & the Hendersons" is long gone. It's the gore, the violence that brings them in these days.

Of course you can always watch some of the junk movie's that the SyFy Channel shows. One recent movie called guess what? Your 100% right... "Bigfoot" had "Partridge Family's" Danny Bonaduce as the star. DANNY BONADUCE. This is one of the guys currently on True TV's "World's Dumbest Video's." Now there is star power.  You can see that these films have a very small budget. They must have paid him with a 6 pack of beer, maybe even a case, LOL. No, really. Danny does have his fans and he isn't that bad of an actor. Just ask his probation officer.

Danny Bonaduce


The films other "star" was Barry Williams of "The Brady Bunch." Somebody had  this blockbuster idea of putting the Partridge Family AND The Brady Bunch kids in a Bigfoot movie ! I'd love to sit in on some writer as he pitches this lemon to a movie studio or a TV network and they give the idea the green light. Oh my, oh my!

The next lemon, oops , I mean movie is film starting production this week called "Feed the Gods" which according to  the studio's  press release is, "A journey into the Pacific Northwest in search of the legendary Bigfoot." Now, There a novel idea, a film about someone in search of Bigfoot. Haven't they heard that the movie's plot has been done like a million times? The film producer, who's 2nd film this will be was called "Hemmorage".  What do you think that movie was about. An old joke I used to tell people when they asked me what a movie was about. I would say "About an hour and a half" and some actually laughed.  I'm sure that film "Hemmorage" is in the Wallmart discount DVD section and has been showing on cable's pay per view channels for $1.99.

It reminds me of the old days of when you bought this cheap VHS movie for 77 cents and recorded over it with your soap opera's, maybe "The View" and  or "General Hospital." No guys out there are going to admit they watch "The View" are they? But most of them did erase the VHS tape and use it for something else. Me? I never watch TV anymore. I gave up.


Ok, let's face it. If you didn't like these scary movies, you would not be reading this would you? So, go ahead and enjoy the film. I won't tell anybody. We all love Bigfoot. We really do. But what these films needs are a good story line also. They can't just scare people for 90 minutes can they? They always have these sub-plots that have little or nothing to do with the main plot. Everytime the 'monster' scares someone, they cut to a couple doing something that has nothing to do with that film or any other. The SyFy Channel is really guilty of this. Remember, It's called The Motion Picture Industry. That's right! It's a business venture to make money. Whatever the people will sit through. Whatever the people will PAY for is what they are after. On TV it's all about ratings. The more ratings you get. The more money you can charge on the next rate cards.


Well, you know it's Friday the 13th. I am sure there are lots of scary movies on TV tonight. Maybe if your lucky, there might even be one playing at a movie theater near you. Grab yourself one of those $50.00 a box popcorn goodies. get a large drink for 10 bucks and away you go.

How many of you have gone to one of these movies and have experienced the following:


1. The couple who talk though the entire movie


2. The guy who sits in back of your and keeps kicking your seat


3. The fighting guy and girl


4. The ones who keep talking and telling the other person the plot to the movie and what's going to happen next.


5. The movie breaks and no one is in the projector room to fix it


6. The guy (sometimes woman) who falls asleep next to you or in back of you and snores during the entire movie


7. The person who spills soda all over you when they are getting up


8. The dude who's taller than you and sits right in front of you blocking the screen


9. Getting you shoe caught in a wad of gum big enough to put siding on a house with

10. The crying baby


If you experienced at least 'some' of these things. Your better off staying home

If you do have some fun. Please shoot off a flare. I'll be watching the sky's. Happy weekend